{My Journey} My “out” story ….. finally after 13 years

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Coming Out, gay, lesbian, LGBT, My Journey, personal, Random, Sexuality, story

“A tree must grow out of the seed in order for it to touch the sunlight” -Sapphire

Trying to think of how I felt when I came out to my family, my mind conjured those words above. I needed to grow and reach a certain point in my life where I felt it was time to tell my family about my sexuality and come into a new kind of light. My catalyst has been this absolutely amazing woman I met. I can’t imagine not having this woman be part of my family and my life. She is family.

The first time I was with a woman was 13 years ago. I was seventeen, fresh out of high school and just about to start college. Being with just anyone is not some rendezvous like shopping for clothes. Being with a partner is a commitment to a certain extent in sharing part of your life with that person.

There are many reasons why people choose to come out and other reasons why they choose not to. I learned to respect other people’s decisions and opinions even though they my conflict with my own. Sure it’ll be a much better world if everyone agreed with me but that’s not reality.

The beginning of Sept 2011, I wrote about an old high school friend of mine, Hales (names are not real), who tried to force me to come out to a close friend of mine:{My Journey} Being forced to come out. Every person has his or her baking time. Have respect.

Why did I choose to come out now? As I mentioned before, I met an amazing woman I would love to introduce my family to. I didn’t want to walk through the door saying, “Hi Mom & Dad! Meet my girlfriend and by the way I’m gay.” I wanted to slowly transition them into the realization that I am in a relationship with a woman.

I told my Sister-in-Law and oldest brother first. I didn’t know how to explain it so I just said,”I date women and men.” They both said as long as I’m happy then they will support me, just as expected. My family totally rock.

Last night I told Dad first. His reaction was not what I expected. He is not 100% for the idea and would prefer I settle down with a good man. He said he’s seen some people around the neighborhood like that and does not agree with it. I told him not to compare them to me because no two couples gay or heterosexual and their  relationships are the same. Relationships depend on the people.

Mom’s reaction when she came out to join Dad and me, “Okay…it’s a 2012. It’s a New Year.” LOL! She threw me for a loop because their reactions were opposite of what I expected.

Overall, I believe there is a time for everyone and there are going to be different reactions by people. Come out when you are ready and be prepared for questions and mixed responses. Sometimes there is a strength and confidence people need in order to stand up for their beliefs and to embrace themselves for who they truly are. Ultimately be happy with who you are.

{Relationships} Love Found: What went wrong in the past

It’s been several weeks since I’ve posted because I’ve been B-U-S-Y! As the New Year bolted in like lightning, I decided to do a short series of posts on relationships. It was back in September when I wanted to write a series about my journey toward finding “the one”. Since that time, I was thrown into a whirlwind of something beyond what I’ve ever hoped and dreamed.

There was a time when I wanted to ban everything love related in my life…to not be in a serious relationship because of all the sadness and heartache I would have to endure at the end of a breakup. Strength becomes a weakened trait. People go through life having several flings to avoid the difficulties of relationships all the time. BUT people falling in love and are with one another all the time as well. You reflect on what went wrong in the past and how you can learn from all those experiences. The demise all boiled down to one thing-incompatibility or was it?

I didn’t want to settle for less than what I knew I deserved. How do you know you deserve more? When you don’t get the things you want out of a relationship. Sometimes the simplest and smallest of things can mean so much. Like showing how much you appreciate her for doing something for you, letting her know how beautiful she is, and making her feel special especially during birthdays, anniversaries and her holidays. How many times can you ask someone you love to do certain things and they did not follow through? It becomes a vicious circle of arguments that never gets resolved until action is truly applied to rectify the problem. There has to be a compromise somewhere along the line.

How much are you willing to do to make that person happy? How long before you realize that you deserve more and that there is someone out there who is willing to love and accept you for who you are? Once you pass the threshold of a friendship into love and finally into a family.

I had told all this to my friend DJ and she said to me,”You won’t end up being like that because that’s not you.”

She was right. Sleeping around with anyone even if he/she was just a friend and not be in love with that person just did not jive with me. Sex with strangers is easy. You’d be surprised at how many people are willing to have one night stands and quickie romps anywhere. I’m not saying it’s wrong because for some people emotions and sex just don’t mix.

I’m not the type of person to stay in a relationship hoping it will get better once things have gone downhill. I’m not afraid to be single and don’t feel like I need a relationship to feel like a better person. The biggest risk one can take is not to be single, it’s to open your heart to someone knowing you are vulnerable to a broken heart.

[Random] Personality Profile Part 2! Openness: Curious

True! On the Openness Dimension you are:

CURIOUS

Words That Describe You:

Original Inventive Thinker Brave Eccentric Avant-Garde Out-of-Touch Unique

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences

You think like an artist. Or better, you SEE like an artist. While most people look at life’s straight lines, its height and depth and width, you’re bending the lines with your imagination and turning black and white into shades of blue and yellow. And in conversations at work or with your friends you want to ask, “Do you see what I see?” A few might, most don’t, but you’ve piqued everyone’s curiosity with your own original and inventive ways of thinking. You can, if you must, think in conventional ways. But left on your own, you’ll usually opt for the eccentric or avant-garde; in fact you’re usually bored with what everyone else is comfortable with. You learn from reading, talking, watching people and other fauna and flora, and simply sitting in the soft chair of your mind and wondering how people would learn how to count if they could only use uneven numbers. You are out in front of conventional ideas, bravely originally defining true and false, right and wrong, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking

You drive through life faster than the speed limit, and when you hit speed bumps, and you hit a lot of them with your mind distracted from the straight line ahead your wheels leave the ground. For people who like life at a safer speed, you move too fast and lose touch too often with the solid ground they prefer, hence their discomfort with you. As odd as you might find this, many people feel safe in the shelter of the world they already know. They like the familiar. They breathe easily and sleep deeply knowing with more certainty how the world works. So although they might enjoy your company and be curious about your latest notion of how to count backwards by threes, they can only take you in small doses. And they wish you’d quit trying to push the boundaries of their personal and social cosmos.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Even those whom you make uncomfortable know, as just about everyone does, that you’re not a flake. You think well, and even your wildest fancies have their roots in the deep soil of sound ideas and tested beliefs. So even if some people don’t want to drive at high speed with you, they will respect you for your courage as an innovative and unconventional thinker. You lend color and imagination to what would otherwise be the straight black and white lines of their work world and social environments. A few more daring people of your circle might even learn from you to take a risk they would otherwise never consider. As comfortable as they are on solid ground, they may be curious about what it would be like to go faster than the speed limit, or paint the living room two shades of blue, or question ideas or beliefs they’ve fingered like sacred beads since they were children. After all, they watch you do it, and you seem no worse for the risks you take. In fact, your eyes are wider and your breath quicker, and maybe they can find at least a bit of this for themselves. To be certain, they don’t want their wheels to leave the ground, but maybe the next time they approach a speed bump they might just brace themselves and speed up just a little bit.

{kDrama} You’re Beautiful: Entertaining and touching!

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KDrama, review, Synopsis, You're Beautiful

This is quite an entertaining show! Normally when idols are mean-spirited and so full of themselves, I get turned off. I guess when Hyung-Nim does show his kindness, I can’t help but start to like him a tad more. I’m up to episode 7. One of my favorite parts is when Jeremy has his moments of attraction to Go Mi Nam and keeps thinking he is gay..hahaha

Synopsis via AllKoreanDrama:
A story about the behind-the-scenes life of an idol group called “A.N.JELL”, their difficulties, love and career.

Tae Kyung and On Yu and Shin Woo are in search of a new member for their idol group. However at the last minute, the member suffers an injury and his twin sister, Mi Nyu, steps in to disguise as him.

Park Shin Hye will play Go Mi Nam (male) & Go Mi Nyu (female), a pair of twins who ends up switching places when Mi Nam gets into an accident after being selected as 1 of the four members of “A.N.JELL”.

Anyways, this is a must-see show for laughs and romance. The songs in the show are lovely!

{Quote} Delicious Ambiguity – Gilda Radner

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Gilda Radner, life, quote

“Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner

Has your life ever taken a turn completely off course? The more it changes, the more you learn to adapt and handle those changes. If my life isn’t going the way I want it to, I refocus and relax. It’s okay to come to a conviction and let your feelings pour out. We all need to release our emotions every now and then. Put on some elbow grease and scoot your bum toward places that bring you joy.